Califfo Star of Charm, my black persian cat, was born on August 26th, 2014 and due to a vet’s wrong died prematurely today, at the age of six months and a half. While writing these few words, I’m literally under shock and still can’t believe what has just happened.

The vet was looking at the beautiful kitten laying lifeless on the operating table and said:
He’s dead.”
Without being able to control my words, I said:
Are you sure? He seems fast asleep. Maybe he’ll wake up.”
That happened only once, 2015 years ago” was his reply.

Califfo 11I couldn’t understand if he was serious or if he was joking. I couldn’t stop petting the soft and long and fluffy black coat awaiting for his huge round deep and intense yellow eyes to open and to question me: how long must we stay here? I want to go back to our cozy and happy home! Nothing bad ever happens there. Two thousand and fifteen years ago, what did he mean? I was trying to focus on what he had just said when he continued:
Do you want us to dispose of the corpse or..”
I glared at him, he didn’t end the sentence. I can’t recall my exact answer:
No, he’s coming back home with me. I’m not leaving him here. I’ll burry him on the top of the hill, at the feet of centuries-old oak trees, where Califfo can see me, can enjoy the squirrels and the owls. My favourite spot, I want to share my favourite spot with him.

In my life, I had lots of cats but Califfo was exceptional. We had a special connection. Our relashionship was unique and precious, it was based on reciprocal understanding, admiration and fondness. He was born in my home and, day after day, I saw him grow and I enjoyed his company. We were amazingly attached one to the other in a rare way. I could have sold him, there was a buyer, but Califfo was Califfo and I knew that we couldn’t be separated. He was self-confident and calm. He never disappointed me. He never went on a table or a chair without permission. He never scratched anyone or anything. It surprised me how obedient and well-trained he was without any special effort. He turned out to be so grateful to me and so satisfied about me, about what I could offer him, about his life that he blindly trusted me.

I should have done more for him: played more with him, caressed him more. I should have spent more time with him. I was so fond of him. Who wouldn’t be? He was so lovely, sweet and docile: the perfect pet. And now? I was driving back home. He was next to me. I was silently singing his song. Yes, Califfo had his song, a sort of lullaby, he liked it so much. Since he was born, I used to sing it to him, he always meowed back to me when I sung it. And now? Who will wake me up in the middle of the night massaging my back with gentle touches? Who will grab my anckle in a tender grip, without nails, to keep me from going to work? Who will stay in my bedroom all day awaiting me to come back, sleeping on my bed? Who will follow me in every room only to stay in my company? Who will come on my laps while working at the computer and look at my fingers tapping on the keyboard? Who will come near the fireplace to warm up with me? Who will look at the news on the tv with me or play with my glasses?

Califfo 10And now? His song continued to play in my head. I could see his beautiful eyes and feel his kind touch. I could see him walking the way he did, slowly with his tail straight up, fulfilled and comfortable with his life. I could perfectly picture him gracefully cuddled up with his two front paws streched forwards crossing one another. I could hear him asking for food with his soft meows and purrs. I could feel him so sure of himself, so positive, so beato. And now? Tears were rolling down my cheeks. His song was ringing in my head. He didn’t answer me. How can a pet be so much part of one, so family? How can a house be so empty without him? And now? I shouldn’t have brought him to do that stupid surgery. He wouldn’t have got infected. It shouldn’t have happened. If I could rewind the clock. If I could go back one week. If I had made another choice. IF. IF. IF. This is a nightmare. This is not happening. I want to wake up and find Califfo still here with me so that we will continue to live our happy life together.